I'm going to be home tomorrow, this time tomorrow actually. After a year of waiting, it seems almost cruel that I will have no anticipation of the moment, that I can just step of the plane and back to the world, without feeling the past year and hopes on my shoulders.
I wonder if I should feel more anxious, excited, worried. I wonder if its from the drugs, but I feel nothing at all, just an emptiness that fills me up. I want to feel anxious, and excited and worried.
The lake is beautiful. It doesn't matter if you live in even one of those breathtaking postcards or posters, no one could deny that it is. That it is peaceful too. Its nice being here, and of COURSE being with my family, which has been too much fun! (I'm not being sarcastic, honest!!)
(Thank you so much you guys! Thank you for not only feeding me soup when I was sick at home, but for driving/pushing me across the country, and sitting through bad times, and laughing with me in the good ones and for listening to all that medical jargon and translating it later, and repeatedly for me. For hugging me and still loving me! Thank you so much for, after all that, you actually let me stay at your house, Nancy and Phil. You were just asking for trouble, you know that, don't cha? Thank you so much for playing more games than you probably have in a while. Thanks building a whole ramp so I didn't have to climb the stairs (which definitely would have sucked, not gonna lie) and for making me feel that much more welcomed and loved, and for all the laughs, Phil. Amy, it was just SO cool that you hung out with me, even though I was/am all sick and boring, and that you love me even still. Thanks for the coffee stops and mall ransacking, and the chilling in your valuable spare time. Love ya chickie! Thank you so much, Nancy, for looking after me for an inordinate amount of time and for all the laughs and hugs! Thank you so much for all the love, dedication and patience, and for still loving me, even when it would be hard to, Mama! I love you guys more than I could ever tell you.
I can't wait to be home. To be able to say that I am home, and look around and be some where remotely familiar. To use those words would make me so happy, and feel a little more hopefully about tomorrow, and the next dash of tomorrows.