And I don't mean just a glance-over-once-or-twice-when-you-think-they-aren't-looking or the extended gazes staring or the speaker on stage staring either. I mean like flat out gawking.
I'm still the same girl I was a week ago and 6 months ago. Practically the same girl. I mean, besides the IV, occasional weight yo-yos, hair cuts, drop of 2 feet, different eye liner color...wait. OH!- just struck my thesis head on. I just fell across it so artfully that you might have almost believed that I was thinking this and writing this as I go along, which I almost am incidentally.
I think it's not 'cause I'm Caucasian in a town of such a culture mix, I don't think it's because of my 'striking beauty'. I don't think it's 'cause of the way I talk or look or walk, which is why they SHOULD be staring, really, if at all. It's because I'm suddenly two heads shorter than the rest of them and I'm seeing eye to eye with toddlers. It's 'cause I'm sitting down and wheeling around. It's SO 'cause I'm in a wheelchair and that's so NOT the reason I wanted.
I walk...well no...let me rephrase that-> I get pushed around the supermarket and people straight up stop and stare. It's like some freaked out fire drill: stop, drop and roll. I can see their eye widen and I'm like 'what'? I want to turn around in my seat and then turn back and shrug my shoulders. But as most genius thoughts occur, they occur too late. But next time.
And the stares, it's not just people my own age...it's grown ups. I often wonder if they haven't seen a sick kid before. Honestly, you've got to wonder if they shut up disabled people here if someone genuinely hasn't seen someone in a wheelchair before.
Honestly! The nerve of some people! I feel like I aught to wear a sign and a mirror to deflect stares and questions. Its so awkward. It makes me so...aware shall we say...that I AM in a wheelchair. I didn't feel like that back home.
It is strange to be in a country you once called home and now feel like...feel...and now feel like something has changed for the worst and it's spoiled your memory. It's made me question how I viewed disabled people before this. They're just people, right? I mean what is the point of staring?
I should just wear bright purple and green leggings and a yellow jean skirt and put dreads in my hair and wear a coral tube top and a parka and I think they would stare less. Really...
I swear it's 'cause I've effortlessly manipulated people into pushing me around since I'm too lazy to walk. HA! -> as if. But hey, who am I to judge?